Every Mother’s Day for me has always been happy and exciting to spend time with the mothers in my family!
But this particular Mother’s Day, my feelings are a little different… I woke up at 5am when Im supposed to be up at 9am. I think it’s because I couldnt sleep due to my anxiety that I now am experiencing on this day. Here’s why:
My husband and I have been trying to start a family for a few years now. Long story short, I was recently diagnosed with something called PCOS.
PCOS – Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome is a hormonal disorder that causes the ovaries to produce small cysts which make it difficult for a woman to become pregnant.
In my case, my reproductive hormones are imbalanced and I cannot ovulate.
So finding this out was very devastating because I’ve always wanted a family and I never thought in a million years that I would be someone who would be experiencing problems with conceiving.
We are working with my doctor to come up with a solution to this (whether it be medication, surgery, etc)
Most people around me are not even aware of my health issue because I’m a private person who hates sharing my personal issues! I’ve always been very guarded with my emotions and since this is a very sensitive topic for me, I don’t want someone to be insensitive about it. So to eliminate that possibility, I choose not to tell the people around me. (Yet I choose to share with you all who are reading this. That just tells you how special you are =))
I brought this up because during Mother’s Day, everyone is assumed to be a mother and people can be innocently inconsiderate because they assume that if you’re a woman, you should have children.
“Happy Mother’s Day” someone says.
The woman on the receiving end says “I don’t have any children, but thank you anyway.”
That someone says “Oh, I’m sorry. I hope you have a good day anyway.”
But why does the excitement have to die down once someone discovers you’re not a mom?
I honestly feel like childless women are pushed to the side on Mother’s Day and we have to sit back, watch, and feel left out while all the mothers are being appreciated. It would probably be considered selfish to address anything that doesn’t have to do with a mother on Mother’s Day.
Now I’m not trying to take away from Mother’s Day and I do believe that mothers deserve to be celebrated to the fullest!
But since it’s one of the biggest celebrations of a woman, I think there should be some type of recognition for the childless woman as well. Don’t you think?
Women could be without children for a lot of different reasons: health issues, they’ve lost a child before and haven’t found the strength to try again, or they simply just don’t want children (everyone has their own reasons).
In this society women deal with so much pressure to stay healthy and in shape, to look beautiful at all times, to have a good paying job, to have a good attitude, to take care of the household, and to cater to your signicant other.
Then the women without children have this added pressure to rush and have babies!
If you’re single, you put pressure on yourself to find a good man so that you can start having children. If you’re married, you have this pressure of having babies so your family can be “complete”. If you don’t want kids whether single or married, you have pressure from people around you pretty much saying you are not normal because you don’t want kids; “you’re probably just going through a phase.”
It’s worse when the pressure is coming from your own family members who are so blind and don’t stop to consider your feelings which I think is a big problem. The people closest to you are supposed to be your biggest support system.
Instead of them asking “when are you going to have kids?” they should maybe pull you to the side and ask “is everything okay?” Or something to that extent you know?! At least we’ll be more open to sharing about our situation than if you are constantly (indirectly) asking if we’re having enough sex.
It’s really challenging my faith right now because there are a lot of women around me that are announcing their pregnancies or are giving birth. I am a believer and I’m always praying to God and believing that I will have children in His timing because this situation is so far out of my control.
But is there something that we as women can do on this day to celebrate ourselves even if we’re not a mother? Maybe we can treat ourselves to a nice spa day at home or buy that cute purse that you’ve been dying to get!
My message to all the childless women out there:
You matter, you are important too, you are beautiful, you are sexy, do what makes YOU happy, you are strong, you are more than enough, you are someone’s role model, you deserve the best, and even if no one has told you this, you are a great individual whether you have children or not! =)
My heart goes out to you all! I hope you and I both can find joy in this day!
Are there any women out there who can relate to this?
Is there some type of organization out there for people like us?
What are your thoughts on having some type of recognition for the childless woman on Mother’s Day? Or even a separate day?